PEACE I'M OUT...

Previously on "Behind my back"...

You know what, whatever. There's nothing you can say now that's going to make me feel better. It hurts so much. I've never heard anything worse said about me like that, ever. That's the last time I'm ever going to share something with you and to the other one well just don't even read what I have to say. I'm never going to get a second chance anyways! That night when people were saying bullshit about you, I had your back and believed in what I said so when they realize their wrong they would have a second chance to see the girl I see. You thought that I actually didn't know anything about you, well you know your wrong on that! We talked on the phone about alot of things about ourselves and one of them was until 4 in the morning! The drama, the dislikes, your favorites, and mostly random things that made us laugh so hard. But if you want it that way then you can have it. I'll just pretend I don't know you just like you said..."He doesn't even know me!" Now I'm the one who's wrong and has to face the fact that everything I've said and done was nothing but a joke. I know you had a good laugh about it, so don't even bother trying to say otherwise. BTW how the hell do I think of myself as superior? Honestly...that's unbelievable! Out of all people...I never expected it to be you to say that! Looks like your the one that doesn't even know me! To the other one well thanks for trying to encourage me but I know and YOU most definitely know it was never going to happen, right? Nothing good is what I heard when you were talked about...just a pretty girl with a lot of haters on her back but I didn't let their thoughts of you make me think the same way. Man I went through a lot just to be friends with you. I just can't understand why, now! I TRUSTED YOU! Whatever this is just going to blow in 2 weeks anyways...for you two maybe...for me well ITS GOING TO TAKE MUCH LONGER THAN THAT! That's basically telling me our friendship was only worth that amount of time. Any friendship to me is worth a lifetime! Speaking of worth...I only mentioned that someone told me you weren't worth the wait cuz I know they can fuck off too and to me you were worth the wait! I never thought twice about if you were worth the wait. I can't fucking believe I lost my chance because of something like that. What other chance were you even talking about? I never even got one. So you know when people express how their words are left unspoken, yeah, I guess that's how mine will be for a long time. DAMMMN, how could I have been so blind not to see what was going on. Well, now I know what you guys want and how you guys are. Oh and don't worry I won't tell anyone cuz I'm the kind that would tell shit to everyone....I'm not going to say that what I have said before was a waste of time because it wasn't. I loved writing about you for just one simple reason because I liked you. If that and all the other things I've done didn't give you one single second of thought on what it would be like to feel same way then I don't know what ever will, at least I tried. Well now you don't have to try keeping this up and I hope you got what you wanted. When you care about someone so much, you just want what they want even if it means to not be together. Someone who's superior would never say something like that cuz their too selfish! WHY didn't you just tell me right from the start cuz this one is going to take a while for me to bare and let go='(

You never know...

See you never know what tomorrow brings...sunshine, raining days, cloudy skies either way I'll still be by your side. You can depend on me through the stormy weather cuz I made a promise I'll be right here forever. No matter how bad it seems you got to hold on to that dream! Through the thick n' thin I'm the one you can run to. Baby, you know, I'll never stop loving you. You are my heart through the spring, winter, summer, and fall. I know it may seem I'm giving too much but all I'm trying to do is open my heart and show the real paul.

My wishes...

Somebody showed me how a song can relate to their life that's
so true and weird in a way that it suits the moment perfectly.
Thanks dixie! I guess this is exactly how I feel for the one I care
about the most too. It's my wish for her and she is my wish.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish. She's my wish.

(Shes) Just a dream...

I just don't know what words to say when I see her. I miss the person that always wondered how I was doing. She's the one that cures me when I feel like shit. Sometimes I don't even need to talk to her, just getting a glimpse of how independent, amusing, refined, upfront, and incomparable she is makes me feel better that there is a girl like that around. There's never a day where I can't never stop thinking about how she is and what shes up to. She's so dope! She likes to work first and have everything done before she does anything else. I'm like the lost one looking for someone like her to encourage and motivate me. You don't know how madly I care about this girl! But I think no matter how hard I'm going to try its never going to happen in my mind. I know I can't find love. Love has to find me. I guess I'm saying that I don't want the title of having a girlfriend. I just want her to know that she's the one I want to adore everyday and take into my arms on those days that give you the feeling of a rainy day. I don't give a shit about anybody who says that she's not for me or to not even try. They can go shit themselves than telling me what to do. Once I have the chance to be with her and realize its not a dream anymore that I have to keep re-living every night about, I'm going to make every bit of time with her worth it. I can't wait to see the priceless faces of those who doubted me. It's just a matter of when she's going to feel the same way.

I wish I played ICE HOCKEY!

After watching this little one's hockey game. I just started wondering if I had the chance to play ice hockey. My parents never wanted to put me in ice hockey because they think I'd end up in the hospital. I tried explaining to them that there's a stop sign on the back of the jersey so that we don't get nailed like crazy. So I showed my mom what it looks like and she says that sign is too small and I went balistic! Either way I still play hockey but at the parks with buddies and neighborhood friends. Since ball season's over...I'm going back to roller hockey! Yeah I play at QUEEN E! If you wanna play just msg me up:P Anyways back to this little one's hockey game. Her name is stefanie costales! Shes not so big when you see her on the ice but shes so fast and can shake off a Dmen or in this case Dwoman anytime she wants. That game was during provincials and it couldn't have ended in a more dramatical way. It was 4-2 with 5 min left in the 3rd! In 3 min just like that they tied the game and ended up playing the same After watching this little one's hockey game. I just started wondering if I had the chance to play ice hockey. My parents never wanted to put me in ice hockey because they think I'd end up in the hospital. I tried explaining to them that there's a stop sign on the back of the jersey so that we don't get nailed like crazy. So I showed my mom what it looks like and she says that sign is too small and I went balistic! Either way I still play hockey but at the parks with buddies and neighborhood friends. Since ball season's over...I'm going back to roller hockey! Yeah I play at QUEEN E! If you wanna play just msg me up:P Anyways back to this little one's hockey game. Her name is stefanie costales! Shes not so big when you see her on the ice but shes so fast and can shake off a Dmen or in this case Dwoman anytime she wants. That game was during provincials and it couldn't have ended in a more dramatical way. It was 4-2 with 5 min left in the 3rd! In 3 min just like that they tied the game and ended up playing the same team in the finals but became the 1st runner up in all of BC so no matter what people say her and her team are still one of the best in the province! I'd rather have watched that game than the pacquiao fight which seemed boring once I logged on twitter and saw the tweets! Anyways I wish I had the chance to play on the ice...just to get that feeling of what I see in commercials about community hockey...especially like the ones during the OLYMPICS!

It's been a long time coming...

It's been a while since I've blogged constantly about anything. Doing projects, homework, and whatnot. All that takes time and makes school year pass by so fast that you can still the remember the first day of school. Next year I'll be graduating and move on to the real world. High school is just a preparation of what life throws at you. I can't believe it. It's hard to grasp and understand that in 2 years the people I've always been there with and done that will be going our separate ways to build up our own lives. Seeing the grade 12s this year and knowing that their time here is almost done even gives me that feeling in my guts where something just isn't right. I have friends in that grade who have helped me with whatever problems I was dealing with and those who have given me so much memories that I would never replace for the world. Their year is more unique then others I've seen throughout my whole time at stpats. In a way they are really good at what they like to do best. Some love to work and are really successful at it, some are incredible athletes, some are amazing at poetry and acting, and mostly their just the best bunch of friends you can have. I guess it's almost the time for me where I have to let go and be happy for them. I'll have my turn next year but it won't be the same. 4 years have already passed and it's been a long time coming that I have to move on and use what I have learned to embrace the reality of the world.